It's a new territory for me... I hope I'll be happy most of the time.

Whenever I was burnt out, a big part of me gets really sad and disoriented. However, recently I feel like I've changed. I was suffering through another burnout, and I feel horrible as usual. But I decided to take my mind off things and watch some shows.

I saw this show called "Pantheon." (I'm going to talk about some spoilers, so if anybody is reading this and doesn't want them, now is the time to ignore this blog)

I thought it was some show about Greek gods because of the name. I was mildly interested, so I gave it a watch. I had a very little idea of what to expect, but it's a very fun show. It aligned with a lot of my interests (immortality, transhumanism, determinism, etc.) and for a moment while watching the show I thought I was done with art and making comics. Not because the show is perfect (as excellent as it was for me, I'm sure it has some flaws), but because I kind of got what I wanted. It's got almost everything that I wanted to put in my own works, but way better. First of all, it's finished. It's got cool action, great setting, very nice characters, and a very entertaining story.

I remember talking a few months ago about the movie "Alien" and how it does what I want to do, but way better. My sentiment about Pantheon is similar, but I guess the difference is I had similar ideas with Alien that I thought would be fun explored in my own comic. But with Pantheon, it's the things that I want to see in a story.

I wasn't really upset that for a moment, I thought that I don't have to make any comics anymore. Though part of me was sad, I was content with it.

The ending was what really got me, not because it was something so profound and life-changing (though I'd say it is, at least for me), but because of what was going through with me and how I related to it.

Unlike Maddie, (or any character in that show) I am not immortal. However, I could really use a lot of time to achieve my dreams. But only after finishing that show made me think about what to do after achieving my dreams. I may be shallow, but when I finished the show, that was my dream that was just fulfilled. There was nothing going forward for me anymore. Creatively speaking.

That was when I realized that all I'm really doing was chasing a dream, thinking that I'd be happy when I get there. I really like Pantheon not because of how it ended, but because of how it got there. The journey being more important than the destination is something that I know, but could not understand. Until now, I think. I didn't really consider burnout as a bad thing, it's natural to be tired. But it is horrible and a halt to progress. But it's also the reason that I got what I wanted. Never have I thought that I would get to the destination that I'm climbing towards in a place away from it. Or maybe I was looking at a treasure map without knowing where I am in the first place. "Now is the best place to be" is also a quote that comes to mind. There's a lot of things to be said.

Anyways, now that I've achieved my dream, I guess I can take as many detours as I want now. Make as many comics as I want without the feeling of a futile pursuit.

I don't know how much things happened, but I guess enough happened for me to skip 3 months of updates. As I said in my previous update in July, I joined an OC Tournament.

While participating in the tourney, I also finished my first year of college. I had a very good performance for the most part, even if I failed my first term.

Anyways, I learned a lot about comics while making my entries for the tourney. I said in my July update that I'll be reconsidering my plans, and here I am. To start, I don't know how I'd proceed with certainty. I have a lot of projects in my mind. All of which are too ambitious, more ambitious than I initially thought. I now have an experience of what it's like to make a comic. Though not a professional, I now know how tedious it can really be.

That said, I don't think it's likely for me to make a volume of my planned comics this year. It's possible if I try really hard, but it won't be good for me for many reasons. I don't even know if I want to make them in the first place anymore. I don't know where I'm going with them (or my life really, I'm turning 20 soon and I have no idea what's in store for me in the future). I joined collabs and got a lot of art done, because I know there's an end goal, but for my personal comics I don't think there's a definite goal. I know they have to end one day, but my vision just goes far beyond them. So far that I can't even see it myself.

But I guess all this means is that I'm just blinding myself trying to look into a place that I can't see. If I continue like this, soon I'd be looking at the past regretting about opportunities that I missed because I was too busy dreaming about the future.

While it's difficult for me to accept that my first long running comic won't be as good as I make it to be in my mind, I'm going to make it anyway. I've already made comics. Plus, I get to choose which comic will that first long running comic be. I've got an idea on which one it's going to be, but I'll just save the reveal for later. Probably when I publish the first chapter. It won't be any of the comics that I initially planned on making, since I deem those initial comic concepts to be beyond the scope of what I can currently do. But I'll be working on them for sure once I feel ready.

Anyways, as usual I don't think if this post makes sense. I just hope that things continue to get better in the future. But for now, I'd be taking my time drawing that first chapter of many.

Also, it's been a (fun) year since I made it here in Newgrounds, wow!

14 year old me would be happy to see the current me still making comics...

I got busy with Comics and Random Art Battles 3. I'm learning a lot of stuff from creating my entries. I'm going to reconsider my earlier comic goals after this event is over. Creating comics is quite the commitment, and very taxing to both the mind and body. I am reminded of how true it is with every page that I make.

It's both cool and hilarious. I like the characters. Might make some fan art...

Not much happened, I think.

• I joined quite a bunch of events
• Writer's Jam 2024
• Comics and Random Art Battles
• Blind World Collab
• Slowly progressing on the devil comic (as of now, I have 3 pages finished out of 99 D: )
• On a comic related note, I decided to split the supposed 99 page first volume in three. It will be a 300 page first volume instead. The 99 pages I will publish this year is the first third.

I hope me participating in CRAB will help me draw faster and maybe better. Anyway, I've seen some people upload a page of their comic once a week. Should I do that? Nobody really cares (I'm sorry if somebody does, but I haven't really made anything worth caring about yet) about my comics so I could go either uploading a chapter in bulk or just slowly upload the whole thing. Uploading a page a week can make me feel happy and accomplished, but I don't want people to open and close a new tab every page. Maybe I'll just make an art thread about it. Then after I reach certain amount of pages (I'm thinking 10, as per the limits of a non-supporter) I will just upload them in the art portal...

Other (Pointless gripes that I feel compelled to post in the internet for some reason) :

Honestly, I don't I know who else I'm writing this comic for anymore. My family supports me pursuing art, but they don't seem all that enthusiatic about what I do either. They're happy that I'm happy and I appreciate it. Same with my friends. I feel bad for wanting them to care about my comics...

Of course the comics still make me happy, that's why I'm making them. But part of me sometimes wonder what is the point of publishing them if I can just appreciate them in my head? I think I've said it before somewhere that my reason for creating stories is that they might inspire some people. I still believe that, but it doesn't have to be me, right?

What is wrong with me??? I don't really need my works to be popular, I'm just doing this for fun, but I somehow want people looking forward to something that doesn't even promise anything???

Maybe all of the things I said in this section doesn't quite make sense, but it's kind of my point. I am quite lost, but still moving forward despite having no idea of where I'm going.

Maybe in the future, when I manage to finish a comic, I can look back at these posts and remember that I once had my doubts. That I didn't just effortlessly succeed.

(I feel embarrassed talking about this, but at this point in my life, I don't think I have anybody else to talk about this) (I do think it's quite absurd that I'm posting this in public)

[To future me: Comment here if everything turned out alright.]

Standing on his yatch's sundeck, a man wearing a suit and tie casts his gaze upon the Pacific Ocean. It is a Thursday afternoon. The ocean is calm and the sky is clear. No birds, no fish, no clouds. Just him and his yacht, all alone in the middle of nothingness.

"Just the way I like it," he thinks to himself while taking a sip from his glass of lemonade.

After finishing his drink, he goes back inside the cabin and prepares his lunch. Out he comes with two trays, both with an equal amount of various seafood dishes and fruits. He makes sure not to spill anything on the circular table, nor make any sound while placing the meal. Despite his meticulous procedure, he managed to get everything done before the sun can even move an inch from where it floats in the sky.

He sits facing an empty chair shaded by an umbrella. Without a second thought, he begins eating. Alternating between seafood and fruits, he finishes his meal in silence with another glass of lemonade. He cleans up the food the same way he has prepared it. As fast and gentle as possible, without making any sound.

After the meal, he brings out his foldable beach chair and lays on it. While staring at the ocean and listening to waves, a voice breaks the silence and speaks to him.

"The food was nice." It was the devil.

"Glad you enjoyed it," he replies, never bothering to find where the voice is coming from.

"I admire your confidence." The devil walks to his left and unfolds another chair. "Others would have sacrificed their children alive just to catch a sliver of my presence."

"I have nothing to give up anymore," he says while paying the devil no mind.

"Precisely."

The man smiles and stands up. He walks to the deck's fences and leans on it. At last, he gives the devil a glance. Under the guise of a woman with crimson skin, the devil wears the same clothes as him. It locks eyes with him for a moment before standing beside him.

"Tell me about it," says the devil while staring at the ocean.

"If you say so," the man said with a smile.

"This boat was gifted to me by my cousin. She said that she doesn't know how else she could express both her gratitude and her apologies."

"Apologies?"

"She tried to kill me. Her father's last will only gave her enough to live a normal life. Everything else went to me." The man notices a cloud forming above his yacht.

"I'm just returning some of your hospitality. Go on."

"It was supposed to be mine anyway, the company was just given to my uncle because my parents died when I was young.

My cousin knows it too, but I guess she didn't care. She and her grandmother did everything they could to shun me away from the family. None worked.

Eventually, my uncle got sick. By that point, I'm already well established in the corporate world. My grandmother died, and my cousin knows that she just wasted her time trying to drag me down.

When uncle finally succumbed to his disease, I inherited his will. My cousin tried to poison me right away. It was in a glass of lemonade. Said she wanted to congratulate me for inheriting the company. Even told me that the company will be more successful than ever now that I'm in charge. Not that she's wrong.

When I drank the thing though, she just broke down crying and told me it was poisoned. Vomited that thing right on the spot. I wasn't mad. Not really disappointed either. I knew she was desperate so I just gave her the ownership of the company the next day.

Of course, she asked me why I did it after everything that happened. I said that nobody really believed in her, not even herself. But I was willing to. I helped her make the company succeed. Eventually, she was all on her own. She became successful, found a good husband. And oh-"

"Yeah, it's four days until Christmas."

"I think the twins said they want really big teddy bears. Anyway, after all of it, I retired early and donated most of my money to charity, research, and other things. I left just enough for me to live a comfortable life without the need to work until I die.

Then about a year ago at my 27th birthday, my cousin gave me this yacht. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I asked her to donate to the research for reversing aging. They'd have solved it by now, I think. She donated but still decided to give me this yacht.

And so I sailed. From that moment. And now we're here."

"Consider me amused, Nibiru." The devil said with a smirk. "You have three wishes."

"Immortality, perfect memory, and teleportation." Nibiru replies, confident of his answer.

"Aren't you afraid of what could go wrong?" The devil jumps off the deck and floats in front of him. "Kidding. I know what you want. But before I grant them, tell me why?"

"You already know, right?" Nibiru asks, raising his eyebrow.

"But where's the fun in that?"

"I suppose. It's not that I don't want to die. I just want to see what lies beyond. Beyond life and death. Beyond everything material and immaterial. Beyond the lies. Beyond the truth.

Some people would say that immortality is a fate worse than death and yet the same people go on lecturing others not to take their own lives. I can understand, but it's still absurd to me. Why are we trying to extend our lives, curing diseases and reversing the process of aging? Is it just so we can spend more of our time being poor and hungry? Is life really just about spending every second breathing trying to make sure a robot doesn't suddenly kill someone?

I've had the luxury to walk away from that life. But others don't. To me, immortality is the cure. It is the door to freedom. I won't have to care about myself anymore."

"Why not just ask for the answers then? I can do that too, you know?"

"I could, but where's the fun in that?"

The devil chuckles. "Alright, your wishes have been granted. Without negative repercussions. With knowledge of how to use them."

"Do I need to thank you?" Nibiru asks after he teleports to an icy mountain.

"Not really," the devil replies, still facing him.

"I see. Until we meet again…"

"Nicole."

"See you later, Nicole."

Darkness deeper than shadows poured down from the sky. The devil vanished without a trace.

And so Nibiru spent his time learning and mastering every field of knowledge, covertly helping humanity into becoming a space faring civilization that helps other species thrive in their own way. Just like the teachings of his parents.

But like his parents, his uncle, his cousin, and his nephews and nieces, he watched humanity vanish in the end. They gave him their will. That through him, humanity will live on.

He watched the universe freeze. He watched it implode. He watched it reset. He watched it multiply.

He experienced countless realities. Encountered countless humanities. Studied countless moralities.

Everything lives as long as he remembers.

He remembers everything. All sciences, all magics, and all technologies.

And one day, while meditating on a floating rock in the middle of nowhere, he heard a voice.

"It's been an eternity."

"Talk about it?"

"Yeah, talk about it."

Word Count: 1268

Prompts: Glass, Legacy, Rebirth

Wanzu is a sphinx who sends avatars in various universes to do things for the sake of amusement. The avatars, who are made in Wanzu's image, can summon Wanzu's cosmic hands which can warp reality, enabling them to perform many supernatural feats. Things like teleportation, shapechanging, and energy beams are examples of the many things the avatars can do. To perform these abilities, the avatars must use the correct cosmic arm. For example, an avatar can teleport by using the Red Arm of Destruction to delete the space between it and the target location. These cosmic arms can also be combined to have more effects. Combining the Blue Arm of Creation and the Red Arm of Destruction for example, creates the Purple Arm of Corruption. Powers aside, Wanzu likes writing poems about the things experienced by the avatars.

Wanzu's avatars can take on many forms.

Avatar abilities:

Eternal Gaze - An avatar always has another avatar from a higher concept of being watching over it.

Cosmic Arms - An avatar can summon the cosmic arms of the avatars watching over it.

• Red Arm of Destruction - destroys concepts
• Blue Arm of Creation - creates concepts
• Yellow Arm of Preservation - prevents alteration of concepts
• Purple Arm of Corruption - creates entities that corrupt and destroy concepts
• Orange Arm of Evolution - accelerates the development of a concept
• Green Arm of Healing - restores concepts to their previous state
• Arm of Chaos - creates random things
• Arm of Order - creates balance
• Arm of Paradox - creates impossible things

Awakening Seal - When lifted, an avatar opens its third eye, allowing it to transcend all concepts of logic.

Other things:

• Eye color change based on the Cosmic Arm present.
• Wanzu's human looking avatars can be seen expressing their feelings through the ears. Their facial expressions are subtle, except for extreme conditions. Cat forms are very emotive.
• Wanzu (sphinx form) always talks in rhymes and riddles with an intonation similar to a YTP. Wanzu (cat form) is straightforward.
• Wanzu leans toward kindness but is not against violence.

Lore:

Wanzu has no past, present, nor future. All Wanzu has are memories gained by countless avatars. Because of this, Wanzu feels eternal dread. Since everything is just like dreams, Wanzu feels like nothing is real no matter how many avatars are present in countless realities.

All Wanzu avatars work in a tower with an undefined amount of space inside. The higher the floor, the higher the concept of being. Each avatar has its own cubicle, where it works on a computer. The computer has a program installed that contains another tower, which also has avatars, to be managed by the avatar working on the computer. The avatars on the computer also have their own computers with avatars that they need to manage, and so on.

Wanzu perceives all of what the avatars are doing and can interact with all of them.

More:

The best month for me so far, as far as art is concerned

• The collab I hosted was a success, it was very fun
• An individual art of mine got frontpaged (I managed to achieve at least one of the goals I set for myself this year. HURRAY!!!)
• Learned lots of new cool painting techniques
• Drafted the story of two comics
• Watched Song of the Sea (it was great)
• Did very well on the current college term

I'm quite happy. I hope I can be happy this month too. And the next. And the next. Etc.

Not much else to say. Good luck to me in the following months. Hope I can quickly get settled on a certain style for the comic.