Still working on the comic, but once I'm done with it (only a month left to work on it!) I'd like to spend more time learning how to code

I really really really hope I get to publish (and finish this one)

Last year, I set a few goals for myself:

Main Goals:

Publish 10 Chapters of Erebus

Make a themed Wanzu art every month

Optional Goals:

Get Frontpaged

Reach 333 Fans

Do a themed "Drawing every day for 1 month"

Publish Anastasia chapters

Publish different one-shots

Most Important Goal: Be (mostly) happy and have fun living.

Note: Make an update post at the end of the year.

:3

Verdict: I'm quite the failure. I failed almost every goal I set for myself.

Out of ~70 art projects that I uploaded this year, only one got frontpaged (that isn't made in collaboration with other artists). It's still very nice, and I consider this one a success.

Another goal that I achieved was to publish different one-shots. Comics and Random Art Battles 3 made most of them possible.

Did I accomplish the most important goal? I'm reluctant to say yes, but I wouldn't say no either. I suppose I can say yes. My happiness isn't entirely dependent on how much goals I've accomplished.

Other observations:

I'm quite indecisive. I've posted some blog posts about other stuff that I wanted to do but never accomplished most of them. I thought I could maybe trick myself into getting motivated into accomplishing them by posting about them, but it didn't really work. It just made me feel pathetic and lacking in integrity.

Lessons learned (?)

I suck at setting and accomplishing goals. I should either quit doing them, or get more disciplined (though this very statement is a goal itself).

Plans for next year:

• Focus on doing a lot of perspective drawings, and backgrounds.
• Expand my artistic knowledge.
• Like always, do my best to have fun and enjoy living.

Miscellaneous:

Some art that I really enjoyed making:

I enjoyed making all of my artworks with varying degrees and I learn something new with every artwork I make, but but these ones really made me feel like I've learned a thing or two.

Anyways, that's it for my 2024 summary. Thanks for reading. Looking forward to another fun year!

It's a new territory for me... I hope I'll be happy most of the time.

Whenever I was burnt out, a big part of me gets really sad and disoriented. However, recently I feel like I've changed. I was suffering through another burnout, and I feel horrible as usual. But I decided to take my mind off things and watch some shows.

I saw this show called "Pantheon." (I'm going to talk about some spoilers, so if anybody is reading this and doesn't want them, now is the time to ignore this blog)

I thought it was some show about Greek gods because of the name. I was mildly interested, so I gave it a watch. I had a very little idea of what to expect, but it's a very fun show. It aligned with a lot of my interests (immortality, transhumanism, determinism, etc.) and for a moment while watching the show I thought I was done with art and making comics. Not because the show is perfect (as excellent as it was for me, I'm sure it has some flaws), but because I kind of got what I wanted. It's got almost everything that I wanted to put in my own works, but way better. First of all, it's finished. It's got cool action, great setting, very nice characters, and a very entertaining story.

I remember talking a few months ago about the movie "Alien" and how it does what I want to do, but way better. My sentiment about Pantheon is similar, but I guess the difference is I had similar ideas with Alien that I thought would be fun explored in my own comic. But with Pantheon, it's the things that I want to see in a story.

I wasn't really upset that for a moment, I thought that I don't have to make any comics anymore. Though part of me was sad, I was content with it.

The ending was what really got me, not because it was something so profound and life-changing (though I'd say it is, at least for me), but because of what was going through with me and how I related to it.

Unlike Maddie, (or any character in that show) I am not immortal. However, I could really use a lot of time to achieve my dreams. But only after finishing that show made me think about what to do after achieving my dreams. I may be shallow, but when I finished the show, that was my dream that was just fulfilled. There was nothing going forward for me anymore. Creatively speaking.

That was when I realized that all I'm really doing was chasing a dream, thinking that I'd be happy when I get there. I really like Pantheon not because of how it ended, but because of how it got there. The journey being more important than the destination is something that I know, but could not understand. Until now, I think. I didn't really consider burnout as a bad thing, it's natural to be tired. But it is horrible and a halt to progress. But it's also the reason that I got what I wanted. Never have I thought that I would get to the destination that I'm climbing towards in a place away from it. Or maybe I was looking at a treasure map without knowing where I am in the first place. "Now is the best place to be" is also a quote that comes to mind. There's a lot of things to be said.

Anyways, now that I've achieved my dream, I guess I can take as many detours as I want now. Make as many comics as I want without the feeling of a futile pursuit.

I don't know how much things happened, but I guess enough happened for me to skip 3 months of updates. As I said in my previous update in July, I joined an OC Tournament.

While participating in the tourney, I also finished my first year of college. I had a very good performance for the most part, even if I failed my first term.

Anyways, I learned a lot about comics while making my entries for the tourney. I said in my July update that I'll be reconsidering my plans, and here I am. To start, I don't know how I'd proceed with certainty. I have a lot of projects in my mind. All of which are too ambitious, more ambitious than I initially thought. I now have an experience of what it's like to make a comic. Though not a professional, I now know how tedious it can really be.

That said, I don't think it's likely for me to make a volume of my planned comics this year. It's possible if I try really hard, but it won't be good for me for many reasons. I don't even know if I want to make them in the first place anymore. I don't know where I'm going with them (or my life really, I'm turning 20 soon and I have no idea what's in store for me in the future). I joined collabs and got a lot of art done, because I know there's an end goal, but for my personal comics I don't think there's a definite goal. I know they have to end one day, but my vision just goes far beyond them. So far that I can't even see it myself.

But I guess all this means is that I'm just blinding myself trying to look into a place that I can't see. If I continue like this, soon I'd be looking at the past regretting about opportunities that I missed because I was too busy dreaming about the future.

While it's difficult for me to accept that my first long running comic won't be as good as I make it to be in my mind, I'm going to make it anyway. I've already made comics. Plus, I get to choose which comic will that first long running comic be. I've got an idea on which one it's going to be, but I'll just save the reveal for later. Probably when I publish the first chapter. It won't be any of the comics that I initially planned on making, since I deem those initial comic concepts to be beyond the scope of what I can currently do. But I'll be working on them for sure once I feel ready.

Anyways, as usual I don't think if this post makes sense. I just hope that things continue to get better in the future. But for now, I'd be taking my time drawing that first chapter of many.

Also, it's been a (fun) year since I made it here in Newgrounds, wow!

14 year old me would be happy to see the current me still making comics...

I got busy with Comics and Random Art Battles 3. I'm learning a lot of stuff from creating my entries. I'm going to reconsider my earlier comic goals after this event is over. Creating comics is quite the commitment, and very taxing to both the mind and body. I am reminded of how true it is with every page that I make.

It's both cool and hilarious. I like the characters. Might make some fan art...

Not much happened, I think.

• I joined quite a bunch of events
• Writer's Jam 2024
• Comics and Random Art Battles
• Blind World Collab
• Slowly progressing on the devil comic (as of now, I have 3 pages finished out of 99 D: )
• On a comic related note, I decided to split the supposed 99 page first volume in three. It will be a 300 page first volume instead. The 99 pages I will publish this year is the first third.

I hope me participating in CRAB will help me draw faster and maybe better. Anyway, I've seen some people upload a page of their comic once a week. Should I do that? Nobody really cares (I'm sorry if somebody does, but I haven't really made anything worth caring about yet) about my comics so I could go either uploading a chapter in bulk or just slowly upload the whole thing. Uploading a page a week can make me feel happy and accomplished, but I don't want people to open and close a new tab every page. Maybe I'll just make an art thread about it. Then after I reach certain amount of pages (I'm thinking 10, as per the limits of a non-supporter) I will just upload them in the art portal...

Other (Pointless gripes that I feel compelled to post in the internet for some reason) :

Honestly, I don't I know who else I'm writing this comic for anymore. My family supports me pursuing art, but they don't seem all that enthusiatic about what I do either. They're happy that I'm happy and I appreciate it. Same with my friends. I feel bad for wanting them to care about my comics...

Of course the comics still make me happy, that's why I'm making them. But part of me sometimes wonder what is the point of publishing them if I can just appreciate them in my head? I think I've said it before somewhere that my reason for creating stories is that they might inspire some people. I still believe that, but it doesn't have to be me, right?

What is wrong with me??? I don't really need my works to be popular, I'm just doing this for fun, but I somehow want people looking forward to something that doesn't even promise anything???

Maybe all of the things I said in this section doesn't quite make sense, but it's kind of my point. I am quite lost, but still moving forward despite having no idea of where I'm going.

Maybe in the future, when I manage to finish a comic, I can look back at these posts and remember that I once had my doubts. That I didn't just effortlessly succeed.

(I feel embarrassed talking about this, but at this point in my life, I don't think I have anybody else to talk about this) (I do think it's quite absurd that I'm posting this in public)

[To future me: Comment here if everything turned out alright.]